In the whole long process of applying to the race, getting accepted, fundraising, training camp, and launching I spent a lot of time day dreaming about what the months ahead could possibly hold. But in all that time, in all the preparing, in all the thoughts of the countries ahead- new ministries, new homes, and new faces- the thought of the end very few times found its way into my wondering. And somehow I find myself here ay home. I’m not going to be one of those people to say wow those months flew by or is it really the end? Because in reality Cambodia feels like another lifetime ago.
The thought of writing this blog was intimidating I’ll admit. How could I possibly sum up what God has done in these months, how could I put into words the ways in which He has changed me forever. In all honesty I came into this year, looking for an escape of the life I had always lived. I had heard people talk about a “relationship” with Jesus and I could never understand how this was possible. I’ve known of God my whole life, grew up going to Sunday school and heard all the Bible stories and for so long I couldn’t understand why my life still looked like everyone else’s. If the reality of this miracle working God was true why did He not seem to be in my life? But the truth is there’s no point believing in this God if you aren’t going to live like He exists. And I wasn’t. Never in my life had I understood that God lives inside of me, that His spirit could still work miracles through the hands of His disciples. And in discovering this truth, now almost a whole year ago, at training camp everything began to change. The world somehow seemed more alive than ever, finally learning that everything is God, and God is everything. My whole life I had lived with God as this small part of it. To me, God was that big holy guy that lived solely in the church that I would go to visit every so often on Sundays. I could tell you all the stories of this year, all the healing I have undergone, the miracles I have witnessed but that’s not what this blog is about. Because apart from the miracles, the healing, all the crazy God filled moments- the truth is, my life is forever changed because I know love in a way I never have before.
This year has been about discovering who my father is. It has been about waking up after a lifetime of striving, perfectionism, anxiety, and doubt to find that despite all my failings I am fully loved and fully free from the past. And in discovering a loving Father, learning to hear His voice and rest in His presence I have learned how to be a daughter. What it looks like to live like I am loved, discovering that all I want to do is tell others about my awesome father, for others to experience this same love that sets us free from a bondage of fear. Who knew love could be so powerful, who knew that learning to let myself be a daughter could change everything, and that it could all be so simple. Well, He did and I’m so glad that this was a part of the plan all along.
This love has made me a child again, and calls me back each morning to my father’s arms.
Papa
As morning breaks in gray sky, I stir from sweet childish slumber and on tiptoes I find His study door wide open, beckoning my entrance. He sits, glasses half done His nose, all peaceful in heavy wooden rocking chair, and He notices my small frame hesitant in the doorway. Immediately laying aside His books, He opens His arms for me. A kind smile forms, visible even in the creases of His eyes. Welcomed, I joyfully run to Papa’s arms. All wrapped in afghan and whispers of morning I relearn love for the millionth time, in a way the world could never teach me.
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I just want to thank you all one more time for all the support and prayer you’ve all given me this year. I’ve learned so much about how God uses all of us, our smallest acts of kindness and our biggest leaps of faith were all a part of His big ole’ master piece of a plan. He uses all of us to do His work everyday, you are seen, known, loved and valued in His kingdom and you all played such a big role in everything He did over these past 9 months.
So what’s next?
Welcome to my new blog! You may have noticed that my fundraising bar is back! That’s because, God has called me into a season of deeper discipleship and leadership training at the center for global action. CGA is run by Adventures in Missions, based in Gainesville, GA. It begins August 2 and ends December 14. Through these months, I will be taking everything I have learned this year and applying it to living a life of missions in the states or anywhere God takes me!
Love,
Alyssa Clark
If you feel led to support me in anyway, want to know more about the Center for Global Action, or want to hear more about this year, I would love to talk!
